we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
