So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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