We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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