a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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