i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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