Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
