I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
