It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
