We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize