Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
