You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
