my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
