I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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