it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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