gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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