my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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