Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
