ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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