yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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