Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
