Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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