I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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