Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
