btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I want her autograph on my taint
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
