we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
