Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
