you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
