Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
