Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
