i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
