You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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