you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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