get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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