you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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