me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.