i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
