just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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