Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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