You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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