i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
His nipple licking is glorious
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