they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
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This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
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How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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