I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
