just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
