I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
