Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
