M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
