You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's blow job season.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
