we have pet lesbian snakes
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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