we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Let's get the cat blown out
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
