another moral hangover. fuck.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
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Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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