you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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