I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
