i don't like sucking hair
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
