After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm sobbing to NWA
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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