Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
