But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
home. puking in laundry basket.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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