9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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