I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
