how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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