i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
