white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
