Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
