True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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