Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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