If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
