I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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