If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
