she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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