I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
