Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
