Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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