I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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