I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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