Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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