she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
