Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
