We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
