You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
