it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
