a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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