she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
