I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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