Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
