i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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